Okay…. Most of the story I am about to tell is based off of the recreations of several people till it gets to my part so bear with me.

When I was 17, I used to work at a Chuck E’ Cheeses in South Florida. One fine evening, two guys show up and order a pizza at the register. Not 30 seconds pass when one of them goes back to the cashier and asks about his pizza. The cashier calmly informs him that his pizza takes at least 15 minutes to prepare and that it will be delivered shortly to his table. He didn’t like this answer and continued to ask, “Where’s my pizza? Where’s my pizza. Where’s my fucking pizza!?!?” He proceeds to grab promo cups(the silly cups and shit to sell to the kids) and begins flinging them at the cashier. The cashier realizes that he is paid far too little for this level of bullshit and retreats to the kitchen via the nearby door to inform the manager.

Our enraged customer proceeds to loop around the salad bar and enters via the rear kitchen door to seek his prey. He enters the kitchen yelling at the cashier and takes a swing. The cashier catches the punch and wrenches the guy’s arm around his back and slams him up against the manager’s office door. Essentially, the cashier informed the manager about an issue requiring his attention by slamming the issue up against the window on his office door.

This is where the issue heats up considerably. I’m going to pause a minute to set the stage properly. Chuck E’ Cheese had a sorta caste system; geeks in the gameroom, chicks and preppy types on the registers, and straight up hood rats in the kitchen. Unpause… so one guy is pushed up against the door and struggling and this is when his buddy shows up via the same door with a work knife in his hand. He points the knife at the cashier and orders him to let go of his friend. He continues to advance on the cashier. At this moment the hood rat on the pizza cutting table loses his shit. He grabs the pizza knife, uses it to rake everything off the final prep table, and proceeds to yell, “You do NOT come into my fucking kitchen with that pussy ass knife” He raises the knife over his head and begins to charge at enraged customer 2. Keep in mind, this not just any kind of knife. This is a fucking scimitar with a lead weight at the tip. All accounts of this part agree that had he gone through with what he started, he would have cleaved straight through the guys head. Enraged customer 2 freezes like a deer in head lights.

Three strides into his charge, the hood rat’s girlfriend tackles him to the floor. He had a record, and she didn’t want him to get in trouble with the law again. This snaps Enraged Customer 2 out of his stupor and he throws his knife blindly, and grabs anything within reach and begins flinging it around the kitchen. This is when I begin to notice something is wrong in the world of children’s pizza and entertainment. Someone yells, “Fire!” and I start to look around and I hear the commotion in the kitchen. As I being to make my way to the kitchen I see Enraged Customer 2 exit the door from where he entered with a spatula in his hand. He’s moving down the main through way of the store and I am in the showroom. I being to follow and prepare to pounce with visions of vigilante grandeur running through my head. After all… the guy had a fucking spatula for a weapon. The moment I had my opportunity to pounce he immediately turns to me and begins shouting at me in Spanish, “Where is my daughter! Where is she!” over and over again. As he is yelling at he begins reaching under his shirt. Time starts to slow down. As he reaches under his shirt he reveals the holster for his work knife. I didn’t notice it was empty, but I instantly begin planning to defend myself from a knife attack. His hand moves past the knife holster towards his back and I watch has his hand wraps around the grip of a revolver. At this point I begin to ask questions about his daughter, what she looks like, anything to satisfy him. He continues to advance on me and I freeze. He pushes past me, and scoops up the most adorable little girl in a white communion style dress. He sits her on one shoulder, and is now waving the gun around with his other hand yelling at everyone to not follow him or he will kill them and that he is (directly translated) Mr. Big Dick (makes more sense in Spanish) and nobody fucks with him. He proceeds out the door with his daughter and his friend.

I have no idea how this ends. The cops showed up and our 8 hour video tape was not in the recorder….

tl;dr Two guys go apeshit in a Chuck E' Cheeses. One almost gets his head cleaved in half by a pizza knife.

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