I wish my sister was not alive. I have day dreamed about her being killed, or just dieing because if she was not alive, my family would have a better life.

She was always screwed up. My only memories of her in my childhood are negative. Her coming home late when she was in high school being completely wasted and fighting with one of her boyfriends because he wanted to leave and she wouldn't let me. I opened her bedroom door once to catch her cutting her wrists. I remember finding drug paraphernalia and being completely freaked out. I remember her getting into physical altercations with my parents and being sent away. I don't remember ever being close with her.

She is now 23 and has a 4-year-old son. He is an adorable little boy, I love him but he is also a burden to my family. I feel so bad for him because his mother is so unstable and, well, does not act as a mother. She and my nephew live with my parents because she cannot afford to live alone, and my mother is too scared to let her live alone with the baby. He is only 4-years-old and is already starting to bite his nails from anxiety.

How the hell to I help them? My parents are at their wits end. My mother does so much for my family, yet gets no appreciation. My father is unhelpful, he in some ways, is very much like my sister and doesn't see that he needs to take more of a role to relieve some of my mothers workload. I sadly have no loving feelings, or any actual feelings for my sister other than apathy and pity. My poor parents don't know what to do either. I try my best to be nice with her, but my sister is in such a state of denial when it comes to her mothering and, just plain old being a good person, that advice or help just seems mean in her mind.

My sister can't live in my families house anymore. She does not get along my siblings and only brings frustration and fights to every conversation we try to have. However, if she leaves she won't be able to take care of my nephew, she just doesn't know it. My parent's money is being squandered on sending my nephew to daycare and helping her out. Our home life is miserable.

I wish my sister was dead. What the fuck is wrong with me.