IAmA former religious cult member who spent 27 years having all areas of my life completely controlled by someone else. AMA

not_your_normal_girl · 21 days

Hey, thanks for asking! Things are good right now. There's been a lot that's happened over the past couple of months and I feel like I have grown so much. I'm thankful every day for the opportunity I have to live my life free from the past. :)

not_your_normal_girl · 3 months

I actually just finished the roughest 2 weeks I have had in a long time. I'm sometimes surprised at how deeply I feel things and how hard it is to handle things. Then I remember that I don't have a normal foundation to hold me up and keep me stable. I'm still working on building that foundation and my friends from church are huge support in that. They keep from becoming totally absorbed in self-pity and fear and help me get out and have fun and to remember that I don't have to struggle on my own.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

We were forbidden from dating at all. If you liked someone you better believe that you were supposed to marry them because that was the only way you were going to have any semblance of a romantic relationship with them. There was never a courtship/dating period. You were just engaged and then got married. Anyone you got involved with had to be in the church and the leadership had to approve of the relationship or you would be pressured to not have anything to do with each other.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

I don't know that I really fly under any colors at the moment. I have a hard time allying myself with one particular brand of Christianity.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Yes, we had a dress code we had to follow. Women were not allowed to wear clothing that resembled men's clothing in any way, including jean jackets and most jeans. When I was really young the women all had long hair and were not allowed to wear makeup.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

I have no idea. I've never seriously had it tested; no reason to.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you for clarifying your position. My thoughts about the theory behind organized religion is that far too many things have been added and put into practice that allow people to control others. I agree that history demonstrates a real trend in religion of wanting to control people. I think that's sad, particularly when in comes to Christianity since it's beginnings were founded on the idea of freedom and man being accountable mainly to God and not religious organizations. Another demonstration of how depraved men can be and how low they will go to accomplishing their desires.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you for your comment. It is indeed an ongoing challenge. I wish you the best of luck as well in your continued journey.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

I was not negating the presence of other arguments against religion, although I would ask what your definition of "facts" are. I still maintain that one of the main reasons people have been so successful in using religion or belief in a higher power to manipulate and control people is because they have facets to them that ring true for a lot of people and agree with their own personal experiences. That is definitely a debatable topic and I am sure there are a multitude of other perspective on the matter, that's just a part of my perspective. I don't feel that I was misrepresenting anyone and I'm not really sure who you could be referring to. I was speaking in very broad, general terms.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Well, one example would be using a philosophy to manipulate people. For example, if you know that someone adheres to a philosophy that it is good to look out for his/her fellow man and you then use that to manipulate them into giving you money or time and essentially leech off of them, I see that as using philosophy to hurt someone. I am not implying that the study of philosophy is a bad thing; just that it can be used to manipulate people.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you for that. I can't say that I have completely gotten over all of it, but I have made tremendous gains recently. It's an ongoing struggle and one that sometimes catches me off-guard. Overall, I think it's a process that had been proceeding at a good rate but is still ongoing, if that makes sense.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Oh, and I should add to this that I have recently started playing Champions of Norrath with my husband. It's the first game like that I have ever played and I really like it, probably a little too much, lol.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Lol, I'm glad you commented! I've worked really hard to not let the past taint my attitude about the present or my hopes for the future. Doing things like writing this AMA have helped me a lot in achieving that. The constructions skills and other odd skills I have are things that make me laugh and parts of my past that I think are funny. If I ever do write a book, there will be many a funny story tied to those skills. :)

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

I've read some of it and will finish it some day. I'm not sure that reading anything can definitely change the beliefs of another, but it can definitely provide food for thought.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

I would agree with you that the cult leader used religion to control people and that many churches today exercise similar strategies to keep people in their church. I would, however, disagree that it was done in the same way or to the same extent as what you see in standard church. That's why I refer to it as a cult and not just a legalistic church. Legalistic churches who try to control what you think don't make their members work at the pastor's house cleaning their toilets, washing their laundry, and cooking their meals for them or own multiple houses where everyone lives but no one owns property except for the pastors. As for Christians being God-fearing, they are supposed to be, in the sense of having an awe and reverence for God, not living in terror of what He will do. Also, you don't earn your way into Heaven. Thanks for the well wishes and the comment.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

I'm rather of the opinion that God would never forgive me if I was ever to return to that place. :)

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

OK, thanks for the clarification. Sorry if I was too aggressive. That's kind of a sore spot for me. Women were really beat down in the environment I am from and always made to think they couldn't think as well as men, so I react pretty violently when someone accuses me of being that way. Again, sorry if I offended you in any way.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Any friends I had outside the church were kept at arms length and I never really opened up about my life at the church. We were all very good about hiding things and knowing how to answer questions in a way that completely avoided the issue of how we lived our lives. My significant other was one of the first people outside the church that I opened up to and it was really hard to do that. I was really embarrassed about my situation and knew things would sound really strange to him. However, it's one thing to know you are different and will be perceived as strange to something and quite another to know that what is happening is wrong and seriously messed up.
I don't remember exactly how everyone left, but, most of the time they would just disappear one day or not show up for something and we knew they were gone. Only one person before me every tried to tell the leadership what they were doing and they were severely beaten down for it. As the years went on, the leadership became more and more cruel about dealing with people they thought or knew wanted to leave. I watched them throw a friend of mine out and leave her on the streets with nothing when she said she wanted to leave. I think it did make the members wonder, but it was also portrayed as evidence that what they were doing was wrong, otherwise why would they need to sneak out. So, the leadership used that fact to defame the person who left and further beat down the other members.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you! I think it's only fair to try to respond to those who took the time to ask a question and seem to want a response.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you! It might be a great way to help me in writing my story down for the book I want to write. And you're right, writing it all down is very helpful for me. This thread has been a great experience for me.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll see if I can find it.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Well, I will raise my children with my beliefs, as I think those are true, but I will always encourage them to ask questions and above all to not accept something just because I said it was true. They need to figure things out for themselves.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

That's alright. I've had many people on this thread think I was from the WBC. There are quite a few similarities, sadly.

not_your_normal_girl · 4 months

Thank you for your response and your thoughtful insights. I couldn't agree with you more on several of your points. Far too many Christians don't live out what they claim to believe and far too many of those Christians do so while forcing others to submit to their own brand of Christianity. Ignorance can be bliss, but as I mentioned elsewhere in this thread, it's not all that blissful if you know you are being ignorant, at least for me. I would rather know the truth and deal with it than walk around blindly trying to avoid it. Evidence of faith is a tricky thing and I would say that in the end it comes down to a simple belief, either you believe or you don't. But I don't see that as being ignorant. I also don't see it as throwing a tarp over existential questions. I think that if you really believe something is true then it should stand up to whatever questions you ask; and if it doesn't that's not because questions are bad, it just means you need to look further for answers. I don't see my faith as an excuse or a tool for ignoring the truth. Quite the opposite, actually. I see it as a great reason to keep exploring the truth and see how my faith grows and changes and I learn more. Thank again for the comments and the well wishes.

not_your_normal_girl

TROPHY CASE

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